Mayim Bialik is mourning a deep, personal loss. The Big Bang Theory actress’ father, Barry Bialik, died earlier this month after two months in hospice, she revealed in an emotional blog post on Tuesday, April 21.

“We knew it was coming. We had months to process and love and grieve and rage at God and all of that,” she wrote of her dad’s death on the second-to-last day of Passover, April 10. “And then he died. I don’t know what I am ready to share. I don’t know that I am ready to share.”

She went on to explain the all-encompassing nature of her grief, writing, “For those of you who have lost a parent, you know how I feel. You tell me you do. For those of you who have lost someone else you were close to, you also tell me you know how I feel. But you don’t. Because you’re not me losing my Abba.”

She continued: “I appreciate condolences and care and love, but I am alone in the singularity of my loss. Jewish mourning is profound and I am deep in it. I hope to be able to share more soon.”

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In the meantime, the Blossom alum is letting herself really feel the magnitude of her loss. “For now, I am praying a lot. And remembering a lot. And crying. And also laughing,” she wrote. “Because to every thing, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.”

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